What’s the Secret to Successful Career Networking? Give First, Ask Last.

No More Excuses: You Know You Need to Do This

We know that up to 85% of open positions are filled through job referrals, not through applications. So it’s really unlikely that you will get the job you want, sign a client, or start a business without a successful career networking plan.

This is especially important when it comes to the so-called “hidden job market”. These are the jobs that never even make it to the job boards. These are the positions that are discussed internally and for which there may not even be a job description. There’s a need or an idea. The employer is simply waiting for the right person who will just be that role.

If you’re a mid-career professional, these are actually the jobs you want.

They’re the roles that require strategic skill sets, rich experience, and the ability to think critically. They most likely favor core management skills over hard skills. They’re perfect for someone like you with decades on the job and a broad perspective in your field.

To land these positions, you need to get off the job boards and develop a successful career networking plan to lead you to those opportunities.

Networking is Like Dating 

Don’t think that if someone is willing to talk with you or meet with you that they’re willing to, metaphorically speaking, go all the way on the first date.

Like romantic relationships, courtship is required. You need to build trust and understanding before you ask for a favor. You want to get to know the other person and give them the opportunity to get to know you.

People who haven’t paid attention to their networks are often impatient to skip these preliminaries because they don’t understand this dynamic – and they’re feeling the pressure of needing to find a new job. But there are no shortcuts. That’s why implementing a successful career networking plan is so important.

Don’t Lead With Your Need

It may not speak well of us as a species, but many of us recoil from people in need – particularly if they remind us on some unconscious level of our own vulnerability. When it comes to jobs and careers, people often have a hard time helping the close colleagues they’ve worked with for years. Several research studies suggest that strong personal ties can be an obstacle to networking support for job seekers.  Ironically, the people you don’t know well may be more willing to help you because they don’t identify with you or perceive your need as weakness.

So even if you feel needy, desperate, vulnerable, and lacking confidence, you want to engage with your network as a giver, not a receiver.

This doesn’t mean you cannot discuss your situation, potential opportunities, or goals. It means that you want to engage with a growth mindset; you are moving forward and meeting your challenges head-on, even if you are experiencing discomfort and uncertainty.

Imagine yourself as a professional colleague interested and engaged in the topics and issues affecting your industry. You’re adopting the perspective of this positive persona, and actively seeking out information and absorbing new insights about your business. 

• Seasonal economic shifts? Check! 
• Supply chain disruption? Check! 
• Impact of AI? Check! 
• Marketing Strategies? Check! 
• Product Design and/or Development Strategies? Check!

Think of this liminal period between jobs as a valuable research opportunity to learn more about your world, how you fit into it, and how you can provide value in your next role. 

Get into conversations with people on these questions before talking about what you’re looking for and asking for help.

As you talk with people, monitor the conversation. Are you building rapport? How is their body language? Are you both feeling more relaxed with one another? If so, then you may be getting to the point where you could ask them for a favor, an introduction, or (if appropriate) an actual job referral. If they are interested in helping you, they’ll probably let you know.

ABG (Always Be Giving)

To paraphrase John F. Kennedy, ask not what your network can do for you, ask what you can do for your network.

The primary driver of your successful career networking plan is helping your contacts with their careers. Focusing on them and their needs – not yours – will help your career in return. 

Here are some ways of giving to your network:

• Introduce two mutual contacts who could benefit from knowing one another and who might  be able to do business together.
• Share an article or research report that relates to the company, role, or business sector that your contact is in.
• Share information about an upcoming event. Better yet, organize a small group of connections to attend the event together and make it into a social outing as well.
• Offer to mentor or advise a connection (or a connection’s connection) on a particular business issue where you are experienced and/or an expert.

Consider this (unscientific) adoption of the Pareto Principle (aka the “80/20” rule) to professional networking. 80% of your career opportunities will come from 20% of your network. So, the more you grow your network, especially through giving, the more you can expect to receive. It may be a lot of heavy lifting, but it will pay off – and if you keep maintaining those connections over time, you will build a lifelong career resource.

Why You’re a Great Giver

Before you object that you’re not good at this and have nothing to give, think again.

• You have decades of experience. Professionals in your field (even younger professionals) will look up to you for your achievements. They will have questions about companies you worked for and what it was like to work on a particular deal, or report to a well-known executive.
• You have perspective. I’m sure you regularly shake your head when you read about people or companies making avoidable mistakes. People will seek you out to provide deeper insight based on your understanding of what works and what doesn’t.
• You understand the obstacles and the struggles. Surviving tough, turbulent career experiences is a badge of honor. This includes losing a job, working for a demanding boss, overseeing a bankruptcy, or weathering a volatile market. People will want to know how you did it and how they can apply your resilience and tenacity to their situations.
• Many problems at work stem from bad behavior and poor relationship skills. You probably have a wealth of advice about how to navigate office politics and help someone through a toxic workplace challenge.

How to Give: Ask Questions

Asking is a form of giving. This isn’t small talk. This is the thoughtful process of getting to know someone. People are flattered by your interest. Asking questions makes them feel seen, acknowledged, and interesting.

Interview them. Not just to pass the time or to get to the part where you can ask them for a favor. Really think about what they’re telling you and ask follow-up questions to get a complete picture of who they are, what they do, and why they do it. 

Remember the journalist’s “W” questions: Who, What, Why, Where, and When. 

In Stephen Covey’s landmark book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” habit number 5 is “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This fits in perfectly with the “ABG” model. By more thoroughly understanding someone else (someone new), you are in a better position to understand how to relate to them. That understanding could give you the insight you need to ask them for the favor that might be easy for them to give and could be the most beneficial to you. On the other hand, your understanding might make it clear that there is no appropriate favor to ask for. This helps you avoid making embarrassing or awkward requests and preserves the relationship for the future.

What’s Next: Engage

You’re now ready to get out there and meet new people, rekindle old relationships, and just generally engage in successful career networking. 

If you proceed from this place of giving, you’ll never feel disappointed. There are always more people to meet and more conversations to have. Remember the 80/20 rule: you’re just looking for that 20% of conversations that will yield the favors, referrals, insights, approaches, strategies, and tactics that will lead to your next job.